August
2006
Weaker moments
Normally I’m very strong, but I’m only human. I aim to be positive and genuinly I’ve felt happier that things are ok, but you get your moments, when you think oh crap.
I asked the wonderful folks at mpip.org about this lump I found, which is miles away from what’s called the primary site. It kinda made me a bit more aware of stuff I didn’t know about. You can do things with information you can make choices, get on the phone faster and ask better, more effective questions.
My stomach did butterflies when I read it, my focus has been on the scars to check them for lumps. It’s not like I’ve been living ignorant. Maybe I read too much into it because of the 23 months and because I’m coming up to my own 2 year mark, with a fat lump in my arm. If I’m wrong then I’ve only been careful and cautious. As of yet because I’ve had no battle with my cancer, my battle is the awareness and that’s how I feel I’m winning, my own situation backgrounds and pops up every now and then. Kinda shakes you up a bit to be brought back down to earth, to realise this is what I’m dealing with, it’s not something I just blog about, you know, it’s real.
So I fired up “Crosses” by Jose Gonzalez on the Zen, stared at the rain and savoured that moment when I saw him play that song on Sunday, after which a really upbeat song came on by Captain and the sun came out. It is like that, sunshine and showers.
