3
September
2006
I didn’t know, untill just. Sir Bobby Robson had a very rare form of Melanoma removed in 1995, from behind his eye. Also he was diagnosed with bowl cancer before that in 1992. Two weeks ago a tumor was found on his brain and the family has asked for no more enquiries from the press etc, this made me sit up and pay attention to the screen.
On May 8th this year an article was pubished where he explained a shadow was found on his lung during an xray he had for a sking accident. It was the Melanoma, remember his primary was in his eye, what gives? Then quoted, when speaking about coming through the lung op, as saying “It’s over. I am in extremely good health and I have got a clean bill of health” …….. oh boy, you know when you’ve heard this story too many times before? Well I have, trust me.
Don’t get me wrong I’m not being overly negative, but that news about Bobby’s suspected stroke being a brain tumor, given this information, is concerning. I guess all I can say is I hope for the best and hope for good news for him and his family. I know why they would rather not be hounded by the press and I just hope the next time I hear about it, the news is better. Although It’s not very nice to suggest, some good could come out of it, but he’s quite a high profile person. Having a well loved football manager speak out about how dangerous melanoma is would really build some momentum behind finally doing somthing about it at the detection and screening stage. We don’t have enough high profile people shouting up for us, I know that’s selfish of me, but what ever I might say would make only a fraction of a ripple compared to what someone like Bobby Robson might say to a peak time audience.
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3
September
2006
An update on the latest happenings with the melanoma. I think I mentioned I found a lump on my left arm, miles away from where the original melanomas were removed from. Two weeks ago I called in to the clinic and I was scheduled in fairly swiftly to have it looked at.
One of the consultants looked quite concerned after reading in my notes about the 6mm tumor which put me in this boat. Well, looks like yet another biopsy to remove part or all of this new lump, my first lump. I have to wait for the date to come through though. The consultant didn’t give anything away. Early days, best not to jump ahead, even though I know what might be ahead, as is normally the case it might not happen. I drove home feeling less stressed and better than I normally do.
It’s now actually running into the second week, since seeing the consultant and I’ve not had a date come though for the operation, usually this kind of delay is normal and might boil down to how many biopsies have to be carried out each day. It does however leave you hanging in there, knowing you might have a possible recurrence of your cancer on your hands arm. It might not be the case that it is back, equally it could be that, so the hanging around is actually the worst bit, and just latley you might catch me staring into space when I might be weighing up the possible outcomes. This isn’t a mole, this is a lump and that kind of means it’s a bit more worrisome.
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17
August
2006
Normally I’m very strong, but I’m only human. I aim to be positive and genuinly I’ve felt happier that things are ok, but you get your moments, when you think oh crap.
I asked the wonderful folks at mpip.org about this lump I found, which is miles away from what’s called the primary site. It kinda made me a bit more aware of stuff I didn’t know about. You can do things with information you can make choices, get on the phone faster and ask better, more effective questions.
My stomach did butterflies when I read it, my focus has been on the scars to check them for lumps. It’s not like I’ve been living ignorant. Maybe I read too much into it because of the 23 months and because I’m coming up to my own 2 year mark, with a fat lump in my arm. If I’m wrong then I’ve only been careful and cautious. As of yet because I’ve had no battle with my cancer, my battle is the awareness and that’s how I feel I’m winning, my own situation backgrounds and pops up every now and then. Kinda shakes you up a bit to be brought back down to earth, to realise this is what I’m dealing with, it’s not something I just blog about, you know, it’s real.
So I fired up “Crosses” by Jose Gonzalez on the Zen, stared at the rain and savoured that moment when I saw him play that song on Sunday, after which a really upbeat song came on by Captain and the sun came out. It is like that, sunshine and showers.
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19
July
2006
Huge sigh of relief, it’s all good. I just had a letter from the hospital to say that my recent chest xray was normal. This seemed to be out of routine and on the day itself I was quite worried because of the events of the day, the last one was in December 2004 and I had to ask for that several times before it happened. This latest xray seemed to come out from some kind of concern and not from me, so when I saw the letter this morning I didn’t feel great about it.
As you do, your mind starts racing ahead, because when things happen you don’t get time to digest what is happening, for good or for bad your mind starts playing out various possibilities in preparation. The reason for the scan is that I had a small Melanoma on my arm and if it were to be on the move the chest wall and the lungs are one of the likely destinations. I also had the one on my leg, my last abdominal CT scan was ok, not had one since December 2004, and the last chest xray showed only a small feature on my spleen, which on the face of it can’t have grown, but will clarify this in September.
They say it’s only skin cancer, but it’s not, it should be seen as something far more serious, melanoma isn’t a very nice one, well no cancer is very nice but this one is really evil, at times I wonder given my prognosis and looking around at the literature, why I’m here. It’s the not knowing which is the hardest part, so the results are always something of a lifeline, something to cling onto, which is why today I’m going out today and enjoying the day, because things are good.
It’s gonna be the hotest July on record, with the Midlands likely to see records falling today. As you can imagine I’ve spent a lot of my life hating the summer, hiding from it, getting ratty because of the heat and ultimatly being threatend by it, slowly I’m learning to like it and enjoy the summer like all those people who don’t feel ill effects of the sun, it takes time. In many respects knowing I have skin cancer means I don’t have to worry about getting it, which in turns makes summer more enjoyable, because that question of will I get it, has been answered, the other questions are less clear cut, but I’ll get there.
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