So far so good but uncertain future
Pleased to report that at my last Melanoma checkup everything seemed fine, no lumps or bumps, no moles looking out of character. I’m getting used to the strip search every 3 months, it could show up anywhere so there’s nothing to hide. Pleased to not even having to contemplate agressive treatments yet but not so pleased that I remain very much in the dark about the future.
I asked about another CT scan but the doctors said it wasn’t needed. The last appointment was delayed 3 times, I’m getting quite anxious about the situation because, along with teh fact I missed deadlines for trials of vaccines, Melanoma is a cancer that tends lurk in the shadows waiting, choosing its moment to change a life. And if I was unlucky enough to get hit with two tumors, I certainly don’t feel luck is on my side in the long run.
At the moment I almost feel powerless because for the stage I’m at no further action is needed … untill it reocurs and the chance of that happening is quite high. The doctors agree my prognosis wasn’t good, yet in terms of surveilence the action isn’t matching how serious the situation is, well I don’t feel reassured that they will find it early enough if it comes back. All clear yeah but out of the woods, certainly not.
So I continue with my self checks, feeling the lymph nodes under my right arm pit and the left side of my groin. Living with NED (No Evidence of Disease) is kinda tough, because I know the cancer is there, yet I can’t feel, touch, taste or otherwise know of its precence and that’s the worst part about it. Knowing that I have one of the most agressive types of cancer isn’t the killer, it’s the not knowing what cancer cells are doing in there, where they are or which places they have marked to sight see.
The diagnosis hangs over me like a thunder cloud :
Stage IIc | Breslow 6mm | Nodular | 30% survival over 10 years
Hi again Lee. Do you have any tips for checking your own lymph nodes? They gave me a leaflet on it at the hospital but it wasn’t explained and at the time I was too shaken up to think about doing it.
Hey, strange as it may sound I learned about lymphs from a GCSE science textbook not the medical team. The self check though takes time to learn, I have to run through it 5 times before I leave the checkups!
I usually wait till I run a bath or something like that and do a self check and glance over my moles at the same time, you have absolute privacy at that point plus more mirrors than the hubble telescope. I work up from bottom to top, using like a circular motion with two fingers, seriously my doctor does that so it must be right, he also checks both sides at the same time after to compare. There are nodes behind your knees and just to the inside of your elbows, also just behind your ears. Groin and armpits are big focus areas.
Relaxing is apparently really important, so I sit down and go all floppy, one Melanoma was on my right arm, so I check my left armpit first then the right, that gives a good idea of a clean node and a possible not so clean node. I try not to worry when I have a cold or something, but nodes in my neck are easy to squeeze, in fact really easy to get at. They say an enlarged node feels like a marble, personally they all feel like that to me. It’s such an alien concept because when in your life have you ever had to do this. Much of it is about building up expereince, so check how they shrink and grow when you get a cold, I guess if you haven’t got a cold or feel fine and they are big keep a note.
Hope that helps, it’s such a strange thing to do.
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